Accident Prone Wouldn't Sum Me Up Nearly Enough.

Elvis Costello And The Attraction's Summed Me Up Perfectly

I remember in the year 2000 i just had an operation on my back and was feeling good, was walking the next day after and home a couple of days after that, sadly i collapsed just fainted on the steps outside my house. The bus stop was right outside my door and some saw me fall others just got onto their phones saying do you want me to call 999 and i said no I'm fine. I was so far from fine but couldn't face it although when i touched my head i had seen where the blood was coming from and also out of my nose and mouth, too much information, sorry but i was a mess. The dogs had come out and wouldn't let anyone come near me but a couple of guys and two ladies helped me in and onto the bed which is the first room in my flat and got me some water asked me where the towels were and told them and they got them from stopping the blood going onto the bedding, seriously nice guys.

I remember i was wearing a really lovely jumper and it was in January and a vest that my friend and i got when we did a booze cruise, a totally different story and when we got to the hospital because i had damaged my wrist, broken it, they had to cut my clothes off - that was like a dagger in my heart them doing that worse than the fall. But all i was really worried about was the blood coming out of my nose and thinking god no i haven't broken it. Well it turns out that was just the only bit of my body i hadn't knackered. Sure I am laughing now but believe me i wasn't at the time, i do remember the vest just can't remember which jumper i was wearing. Turns out i broke my cheek bone,

I have said many times before that i am epileptic and nothing so dreadful about that, just the bad cards i got dealt and been living with it since i was 15 which is a really horrible age to have it as the tick tock of the time bomb says if you are by the age of 25 not fit free or seisure free then that golden age of 25 and not good then that's it for the rest of your life - still it never has stopped me from going to work or uni, nothing i managed and blagged a BA just no Honors still can't have it all. Great jobs, some better than others but i did have three jobs, not like kids now who think its okay to sign on or whatever you do these days. Don't think there is such a thing as being on the rock and roll (dole.) Could be wrong don't actually know. Had my day job at CBS records, Saturday job at Marks & Spencer and worked a couple of nights a week at my cousins King's Road wine bar called Charlie's. Out of all that i had to give my mother £50 a week house-keeping - nothing by today's standards.

I think i have had a very privileged life and a great family one when i was younger and i do believe those are the years that are formative and most importantly make you the person that you are when you get older. Think in all the years i have been epileptic only two people said they wouldn't be able to deal with it if i collapsed or had an absence and in both cases i told them where the door was and to show themselves out, those kind of people you are never going to miss!

Still waiting for the Charlie and the Chocolate Family lucky gold ticket to sign on with a practice and i think of all people i am one who really needs a GP, still good news is i will be going after waiting nearly 71/2 weeks to join one near to me. I never, ever go to the surgery i just get the chemist to fax them the prescription to them and then collect it. Love my chemist and i think they do actually really like me always time for a chat and a giggle so that walk across the road is my vitamin D run or the hair dresser across the road. Still when i am in a good and better place i will be back going shopping and all that boring stuff, hate shopping. You can include clothes, shoes, lingerie, shopping in general.

People who discover that they have been told they have the big C or any other illness you can think of aren't jumping for joy quite the opposite they suffer from depression and not enough is done for those that suffer from it. Like many other things they hide behind a mask and smile and say they are feeling fine when all the time they are in a very dark and lonely place. I say lonely because people only like being with people that are a laugh and good fun, most people don't want to hang out with people that are miserable and that is a sad fact of life. Due to a few falls recently when i went to see my specialist he said and i can quote. "How are you feeling on these new drugs are they helping and with the falls are you feeling depressed"? My reply to that was extreemley short and it was this "How much time have you got"? Then a trickle of laughter. If ever i had to see someone that i think is a colossus among men that he is the one, just wish he were a GP to but he is for me the best neurologist in the entire world and looks after me really well and well there you have it, lovely guy.

Lots of people that you wouldn't know have epilepsy because how would you know, we look the same as you and behave the same way it's just a bugger to have what i suffer from and that is now drop attacks which brings me back to Elvis Costello and his song of I can't stand up for falling down and that is just how it is and a neurological condition which can be operable for some and not for others depends which part of your brain it is on. I would of gone for surgery happily but just is in the wrong place to be done so i take my medication twice a day 10 am and 10 pm got my little boxes and still able to fill them myself and unless the day comes when i can't then that is the way it stays.

Of late i have been to what i call my local, not a pub but hospital that i think they will be soon naming a ward after me, but finger, legs, arms and toes crossed things are pretty groovy so sticking to what i feel like doing and just chilling and looking after myself best i can, that's all i can do.

Liz - I do have the best specialist and can't wait for the new drug to be passed to be his candidate.